Addiction

I hate your meetings. I hate you 12 steps. In fact, I hate anybody who has anything to do with a recovery program. Allow me to introduce myself.... I AM YOUR ADDICTION!
I am known to many in your program as "cunning, baffling and powerful." And yet, I did not come uninvited. You CHOSE me! In fact, you welcomed me with open arms. I was your courage, your strength and your hope. I took away your feelings of being shy, angry, lonely, tired, hungry and happy. Eventually, I took away any feeling you ever had until you were nothing but an empty shell-void of any feeling at all. When we first met, you said that you didn't deserve all the good things you had in life. I was the only one who agreed with you and was more tan happy to take it all away from you. But now you claim to have found a better way? You say that you have found a Higher Power?! HA!!! I thought I was your higher power. Wasn't it me you used to turn to every morning and pray that I would stay down in your guts? Wasn't it me that you used to ask to steady your nerves and give you courage to face the world again? I thought it would be you and me forever-friends until the end. And damn it! I almost had you until the end. But I let you slip away from me. I had you wrapped around my finger. I could make you beg, borrow and steal just to have me. I had you at the point of believing that suicide was the only way out....
...until your so called Higher Power came to the rescue.
But that's ok, I'm patient. I CAN WAIT! You can't see me, but you'll always remember me. And ever once in a while, I'll remind you that I'm still here-waiting for you to return. So until we meet again...(If we meet again), I wish you a long painful, suffering death like you could have had with me!!!

BABY!!!!

Well, I have been feeling the baby rolling round and round, kicking me. Yesterday after our shower, I had Richard lay down with me and he got to feel his baby kick for the first time. His face lit up like a christmas tree. Total joy and bliss he says. YAY! So I go in for testing to see if I have cancer on my cervix...scary but atleast we will find out. And term is almost done with school....yay no more writing!!!! Totally stoked! Well thats about it for now.

Janurary

So I started my two classes- health and wellness & technical writing. hehehe online. I originally thought health was going to be difficult but then saw my technical writing course....hahaha health is a fart in the breeze compared to technical writing. It's going to be fun!!! YAY! Get to hear the babys heart beat on wednesday!!!! And then the ultrasound on the 13th!!! We have decided we WONT find out what the babys gender will be....lets keep it a surprise. Anyways thats my update.

it all starts

just called up my doctor and got 3 appointments. Jan 6th is our first one where we get to hear our childs heartbeat, jan 13th is our first ultrasound to confirm the gestation age and jan 20th to figure out if I am still suffering with HPV. YAY!!!!! Can't wait. its going to be fun.

Names...

So we got to talking yesterday when I got home from work. We decided on Annalina Karry (Karry= Kate his mom and Sherry my mom) for a girl and Chase Robert (Robert= my dad). We decided on Nathan Rahl for boy as a backup and Kahlan Amnell for a girl as a back up.....in case....maybe probibly not but in case there are twins....have to prepare since there are so many twins in his family. Had to just in case...Lol. Plus we have our names for the next child... :D. I didnt have many symptoms while prego with Mini and now I have things that dont disappear when I lay down :D , my ankles are swollen all the time and uneasyness of my stomach all the time (no serious sickness). Having difficult times being off my meds...but I guess I'm dealing with it. Cant wait for my OHP to kick in so I can see the Midwife and have her prescribe my prego-ok mood stabilizers. Anyways...thats the up to date stuffs.

NEWS!!!!!!

Well since I've been off the depo I've been totally irregular....so I took a test today (you know the psycological aspect...take a test get a period) well no period and 2 line on the test. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So happy.

POGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pogo.com rocks! thats it....it rocks! i'm done.





bye