Scary

So on saturday 3/12/10 my son had a seizure at his dads house. When I showed up to the ER he was unconscious, tubed and ventilated. I guess he stopped breathing from the anti-seizure meds they gave him. It was a very scary thing to see that happen to my own kid. I still have that picture stuck in my head. It's getting easier to deal with it. He was in the hospital til that following monday. Every test they had BUT the MRI came back good. The MRI shows a cluster of blood cells that could cause him to be at a higher risk for seizures than the normal kid. We are going back in 3-6 months for a contrast test of his brain as well as another MRI. My son is perfectly himself now. Hoping that he won't seize again. There is that chance he may NEVER have another or if he does they can't predict when. It could be tomorrow, years down the road or in adulthood. So we got some emergency meds incase he does seize again for longer than 5 minutes then we give it to him (RECTALLY) poor kid. But things are starting to seem normal again.
On a side note, we have our 2nd ultrasound the beginning of April so YAY!!! We are 20 weeks now and I'm growing like a cow.....not gaining much weight I must say! Lol. Anyways thats the big news and what happened.
I honestly think the seizure was brought on by a higher than normal temp, but no evidence to prove that.

Addiction

I hate your meetings. I hate you 12 steps. In fact, I hate anybody who has anything to do with a recovery program. Allow me to introduce myself.... I AM YOUR ADDICTION!
I am known to many in your program as "cunning, baffling and powerful." And yet, I did not come uninvited. You CHOSE me! In fact, you welcomed me with open arms. I was your courage, your strength and your hope. I took away your feelings of being shy, angry, lonely, tired, hungry and happy. Eventually, I took away any feeling you ever had until you were nothing but an empty shell-void of any feeling at all. When we first met, you said that you didn't deserve all the good things you had in life. I was the only one who agreed with you and was more tan happy to take it all away from you. But now you claim to have found a better way? You say that you have found a Higher Power?! HA!!! I thought I was your higher power. Wasn't it me you used to turn to every morning and pray that I would stay down in your guts? Wasn't it me that you used to ask to steady your nerves and give you courage to face the world again? I thought it would be you and me forever-friends until the end. And damn it! I almost had you until the end. But I let you slip away from me. I had you wrapped around my finger. I could make you beg, borrow and steal just to have me. I had you at the point of believing that suicide was the only way out....
...until your so called Higher Power came to the rescue.
But that's ok, I'm patient. I CAN WAIT! You can't see me, but you'll always remember me. And ever once in a while, I'll remind you that I'm still here-waiting for you to return. So until we meet again...(If we meet again), I wish you a long painful, suffering death like you could have had with me!!!

BABY!!!!

Well, I have been feeling the baby rolling round and round, kicking me. Yesterday after our shower, I had Richard lay down with me and he got to feel his baby kick for the first time. His face lit up like a christmas tree. Total joy and bliss he says. YAY! So I go in for testing to see if I have cancer on my cervix...scary but atleast we will find out. And term is almost done with school....yay no more writing!!!! Totally stoked! Well thats about it for now.